Every time I sleep in the bed , I keep asking myself why I live like this, what purpose I live for...It seems that there are really many questions I have to answer. But in fact I cannot answer any of them at all. Maybe I can say I have been wasting time for 18 years. Life seems rather difficult for me. Though I have made great efforts to do everything, I seldom receive good results. Actually, I always fail at last. I do not like this feeling . I do not want to be a loser, either.

　　But maybe I can consider all of these as fate. No one can escape from the arrangement of the fate. People often say that if you do more,try more,you can defeat the fate. But I don\'t think so. What is a man\'s power compared to the whole society?

　　I always try to make myself become more optimistic. I always say to myself that \"You can! You should believe in yourself!\" But does it really work? I am afraid not. I know it just gives me a little comfort or a little power.

　　Now I even don\'t know what I really want? Am I happy or not? Maybe I am lost...

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